During the late unpleasantness, I distracted myself from the news by imagining who among our 320 million citizens might be better POTUS candidates than the ones who had been foisted on us. I found myself chuckling so much that I felt I had to share, so I began posting to my Facebook page, sometimes several times a day as the cataclysm approached. Here was my system:
(1) Select someone who was reasonably well known within pop culture, and whom one would not normally associate with politics. It could be a real person or a fictional character, living or dead.
(2) Create a joke political slogan, either by reproducing or twisting a quote, or by proposing the qualities that would make the person a good (or at least interesting) POTUS.
Here are a few of my favorites:
WINSTON WOLFE (from “Pulp Fiction”)— He thinks fast, he talks fast, and he needs us to act fast if we want to get out of this.
KOLCHAK THE NIGHT STALKER (70′s TV series) — Expert in identifying evil entities and sending them back from whence the came, in less than 60 minutes per week. Also, great to watch with popcorn.
EMPEROR PALPATINE — for a stable and secure society (the line is from Episode III, so a lot of you probably don’t know it).
CHUCK BARRIS —because, if we’re going to pick a game-show host to be President, let’s pick one with a sense of humor.
CHAIRMAN KAGA (from “Iron Chef”) — If memory serves me right, there was never a war or a recession in his Kitchen Stadium. Allez cuisine!
One day, while searching for this amusement, the name of George Takei occurred to me. Of course! thought I. Perhaps the single most popular person on the Internet. How could I have missed him? The only other thing I needed was a punchline. I thought about it. And thought about it. And thought about.
Then I realized that there was no punchline.
I would totally vote for George Takei. Without hesitation. He’s in a different universe from Donald and Hillary, and even Bernie. He succeeded against the greatest odds imaginable, at least in a “civilized” country, and is a man of empathy and compassion. He has worked tirelessly for social causes. And, perhaps most important in our sad and sorry society, he is a star. He could easily negate Trump’s fame advantage, and nearly everyone has a positive opinion of him.
The only fly in the ointment is George’s age. By the time of the next POTUS election, he’ll be eighty-four. And we’ve seen what the Presidency does to a man, even a much younger man. I wouldn’t wish this on George.
But there is another possibility. What if he ran for the Senate in 2018? That gets him into the government two full years earlier, and he can be a beacon to attract other, quality individuals to Washington. The incumbent is Diane Feinstein, who is three years older than he is, and might be retiring. In any case, there would be no net gain for the Democrats if Takei is elected (presuming he ran as a Dem). And so, George, this is what you must do:
MOVE TO A RED STATE, AND RUN FOR THE SENATE THERE! Idaho has nice vistas. There are places in Texas that are mostly civilized (Austin, for example), and in Florida, where the average age is 94, you’d be just a young whippersnapper! Take up the mantle of America, George Takei! It is your destiny!!! Full ahead, warp factor nine!!! Okay, sorry about that last one — I couldn’t stop myself.
*** Copyright 2017 by Mud Toe Sasquatch — all rights reserved